BOOKNOTES: Tuesdays with Morrie – Mitch Albom

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Tuesdays with Morrie – Mitch Albom

My Commentary: I thought the overall message of this book was strong. However, I did not agree with the spiritual message. Unfortunately, Morrie (78 year old man with ALS, Lou Gehrig’s disease) was agnostic. I did find it interesting that in his final days during an interview with Ted Koppel he says "I’m bargaining with Him up there now. I’m asking Him, ‘Do I get to be one of the angels?" It was the first time Morrie admitted talking to God.

Look to this book for good advice on relationships, enjoying life to the fullest and gaining a better understanding for how our culture has distorted values. I really like his idea of not buying our culture, instead have the courage to create your own. Below are some of the best quotes all by Morrie Swartz.

The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. We’re teaching the wrong things. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn’t work, don’t buy it. Create your own. Most people can’t do it. They’re more unhappy than me—even in my current condition.
So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.
The culture doesn’t encourage you to think about such things (relationships) until you’re about to die. We’re so wrapped up with egotistical things, career, having enough money, meeting the mortgage, getting a new car—we’re involved in trillions of little acts just to keep going. So we don’t get into the habit of standing back and looking at our lives and saying, Is this all? Is this all I want? Is something missing? You need someone to probe you in that direction. It won’t just happen automatically. I knew what he was saying. We all need teachers in our lives. And mine was sitting in front of me.
A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops." Henry Adams
Everyone knows their going to die but no one believes it. If we did, we would do things differently.
We are too involved in materialistic things, and they don’t satisfy us. The loving relationships we have, the universe around us, we take these things for granted.
When you learn how to die you learn how to live.
I embrace aging. It’s very simple. As you grow, you learn more. If you stayed at 22, you’d always be as ignorant as you were at 22. Aging is not just decay, you know. It’s growth. It’s more than the negative that you’re going to die, it’s also the positive that you understand you’re going to die, and that you live a better life because of it.
We’ve got a form of brainwashing going on in our country, Morrie sighed. Do you know how they brainwash people? They repeat something over and over. And that’s what we do in this country. Owning things is good. More money is good. More property is good. More commercialism is good. More is good. We repeat it—and have it repeated to us—over and over until nobody bothers to even think otherwise. The average person is so fogged up by all this, he has no perspective on what’s really important anymore.
You know how I always interpreted that? These were people so hungry for love that they were accepting substitutes. They were embracing material things and expecting a sort of hug back. But it never works. You can’t substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship.
If you’re trying to show off for people at the top, forget it. They will look down at you anyhow. And if you’re trying to show off for people at the bottom, forget it. They will only envy you. Status will get you nowhere.
I believe in being fully present. When you are with someone you should really be with them, look them straight in the eye and listen as if they are the only person in the world. Really listen without trying to sell them something, recruit them, or get some kind of status in return.
5 key rules about marriage:
If you don’t respect the other person you will have lots of trouble
If you don’t know how to compromise you will have lots of trouble
If you can’t talk openly about what goes on between you, lots of trouble
You’re values must be alike
Your belief in the importance of your marriage
People are only mean when they’re threatened. When you get threatened, you start looking out only for yourself. You start making money a god. It is all part of this culture.
The solution: Build your own little sub-culture that counters this culture.
The big things in life: how we think, what we value—those you must choose yourself. You can’t let anyone—or any society—determine those for you.
The biggest defect we human beings have is our shortsightedness…we are so small picture.
In business, people negotiate to win. They negotiate to get what they want. Maybe you’re too used to that. Love is different. Love is when you are as concerned about someone else’s situation as you are about your own.
Be more open, ignore the lure of advertised values in our culture, pay attention when your loved ones are speaking, as if it were the last time you might hear them.
If Morrie taught me anything it was this: there is no such thing as "too late" in life. He was changing until the day he said good-bye